So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
