I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize