i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
