I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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