That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize