why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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