Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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