he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
