i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
