yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
