Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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