He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
