i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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