I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
