you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
