oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
