This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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