I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
