OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
