And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
