i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
