You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
