Do you still have your period?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
