oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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