I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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