if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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