WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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