Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
