i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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