Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
