Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
