I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
