I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
