my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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