I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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