Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
