apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
