I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
