I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
