sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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