We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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