She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
