google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize