Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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