just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
