Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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