get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
