every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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