Please, let me fuck your mom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
