And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
