My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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