If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
