3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
