oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
