WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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