The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
