You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
