We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she peed on how many people?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
