Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
