I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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