I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
