i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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