...so i touched it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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