By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
