She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
