Duck Duck Cougar?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
