Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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