You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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