I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
a search helicopter?!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
