Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
