Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize