Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
