K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
