did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
