I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
