My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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