My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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