bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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