In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
