Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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