I love black thongs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
