So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
