So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
