The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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