After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
